Our discussions in class about Redshift & Portalmetal, Grayscale, and Papers, Please, and the question that arose of the ability of games to change you as a person led me to think about my experience playing Grayscale. Instead of thinking about if the game changed me, I began to think about how my own personal experience changed the game, and my playing of it. As a first year RC, I balance supporting my residents and upholding the values and policies of the college and of residential life, an experience that I believe fundamentally changed how I approached the game.
A few years ago, I imagine, I would have made what feels like the most personal and empathetic decisions in Grayscale, at the cost of “professionalism”. Playing now, I find that I fulfill the role of administrator – abiding by company policy while also remaining equitable and sympathetic. My experience of being an RC has shifted the decisions I feel comfortable making, even in a game that I know has no real-life repercussions, to the point where I felt weird, on my second play-through, as I intentionally chose options that I felt were wrong.
To this end, I do believe the game changed me in a way, indirectly. Grayscale made me reflect on what it means to me to be a good person in a position of authority and responsibility, and what I want to get out of the RC role. The game has made me pause and think, a moment of evaluation that in fact has made me change as a person. Perhaps Grayscale didn’t bring me to some sort of revelation and change the fibre of my being, but it did make me think, which, inevitably, leads to personal growth on its own.